On the Agenda… THE F WORD!!

Lots to write about. First, a beef with some of the women in Bust Mag. this month. I love the magazine but both Chloe Sevigny and Patti Smith make a point to not call themselves feminists. Smith uses the whole “humanist” thing and I am a humanist too but I have to be a feminist first to get there. I have a whole rant that I hope to get to before I leave for a road trip Sat. to NC and MD for b/f and my family reunions… that will be a story in itself.

Kudos though to the Mormon women in the magazine identifying themselves as feminists – interesting read.

I am excited to do some reading and writing on my trip. I was real upset about Chloe b/c I see her as such a feminist… why not use the words. Will dissect more when I am not late for work.

In the words of Ani DiFranco… “The coolest fucking F work deserves a shout. Why can’t all decent men and women call themselves feminists… out of respect…”

Later

THE D Word! Being a divorced 20 something!

I quietly turned 29 yesterday and there is a lot of reflection over the past year. So here is the most intense, well one of the most intense, changes I made in the last year.

When you look as young as I do, telling people I am divorced is visibly shocking to whoever you are talking to. People don’t know how to react and it makes my own stigma and embarrassment even more intense. Learning how to not be ashamed of this has been a process. I am glad we figured things out in our 20s and not one day in our 40s. I am glad I was strong enough to walk away. I am even glad that I was married and learned so much about relationships. We were young and grew away from each other it happens and I still care for my ex and wish him the best and am very happy for some of the great things he has achieved while we were apart.

So I am not letting the people around me shock me back into being ashamed. We all go through heartbreak and break ups and it is still tough and I never saw my life this different. Married, I held corporate jobs and had the family health insurance and took the brunt of the responsibility (a lot of my own doing) and decision-making. I liked to think I wore the pants, so to speak, in our marriage and that I was progressive and went against conventional gender roles. That was a good experience but a lot changed. We both lost our great luxury apartment in the split and I live like I am in my 20s on the Lower East Side, a great place to live with a great roommate but I never saw myself doing the roommate thing and not being in control. So here is another lesson in life and it has been all about learning compromise. Even though I feel I have stepped back it is just about re-calculating.

The hardest thing has been the isolation. So everyone has been through breakups but I hardly know married 20 something’s in the city to begin with, let alone DIVORCED! Only now do I find out that there are all sorts of blogs and help sites for us newly single chicks.

A lot goes through my mind. Does my family think I am a flake? I am the first divorced. I even joked around with a friend about sending out notices on nice stationary that there has been a split, kind of like the anti-engagement notice.

Dear family and Friends,

I, Jessica Huse would like to inform you of the separation / divorce of ______ (insert partner) and I. There will be no need for condolences although I have registered at Crate & Barrel for the items that where split or I need for my new living space.
Thanks all, please make the adjustments to your address books.
(Why Hallmark has not tapped into this market is a surprise).

So I think we should celebrate this new start and now I say I am divorced with confidence because I would not change it and letting go of that hurt is what has taken away my stigma. I also want to share it because I don’t want other women to feel they are the only ones going through this shit and crazy emotions. There are times when all is fare in love and war.

Please feel free to comment, share and also discuss on the page with the same title to the right.

Summer Reading!

Ok, school is out and I can finally hit my wish list.
As an International Studies major I read more this past year than I have my whole life and so many great books relating to the history of the world and its relation to the here and now. But I did get a little depressed dealing with oppressive women’s cultures, genocide and cultural conflict and then just dissecting the world news at large.

I did take one vacation from schoolwork and went to South America with only pleasure reading materials. So I started my summer reading list. The first book I started with was Jennifer Baumgardner’s “Look Both Ways, Bisexual Politics” and it was great! I am a huge fan of Jennifer’s work and suggest her other books that she wrote with Amy Richards, Manifesta and Grassroots. They will go on the suggested reading list when I put that together (this is a work in progress) but pick this one up. I personally think there is not enough talk around bisexuality and Jennifer’s very honest dissection of her own relationships as well as sex, sex roles and great interviews. Ani fans take note, Ani opens up to Jennifer about fans, relationships and orgasms!

Here is what I wrote to Jennifer after I read the book and it was fresh on my mind. My best way to explain to you all.
Jess to Jennifer -
“I wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed “Look Both Ways”. I read it in 2 days on vacation and it was fantastic. It was strangely perfect timing for a read about relationships as I reflected on life on my first vacation in… FOREVER. I was divorced last year and the ex and I had been separated for a long time.

I appreciated the candid and honest reflections of yourself and of the
women you interviewed. With your personal experiences, research,
interviews and humor, the book is an enjoyable and informative read.
Congratulations. I was most interested in roles of a relationship and
comparing the desirable qualities in both sexes. How does one find a
strong friendship and lover all while relating to the real world?
After being married myself, I liked your analysis of wanting a “wife”.
My ex and I were not our parents; I made the money and had the health
insurance and made the decisions but I was still the “wife”. There
are many other topics in the book I could go on but will spare you☺”

The book is so relevant to all women!

CLICK ON BOOK IMAGE FOR MORE INFO AND TO BUY!!!!

Next books on my reading list
Baby Love by Rebecca Walker
Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Matters by Jessica Valenti
The Anti 9-to-5 Guide: Practical Career Advice for Women Who Think Outside the Cube by Michelle Goodman

That is enough to start.
What is on your list????????

Happy reading.
Jessie